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Some days.

October 19, 2010

I’ve been single for three years.  More than three years.

I haven’t been on a date in three years.

There are some days where that is completely acceptable to me.
There are days where that is actually delightful.
There are days when there isn’t anything wrong with being single
and
being independent and just being me.
There are days I like to make decisions, and they are just made- no need for discussion.

And then there are some days where it isn’t okay.

There are days where I just want to talk to someone new.
To get butterflies when I step out of the shower and try to figure out which outfit he would like best.
To sit on my bed for twenty minutes to wondering if my hair is preferred straight or curly.
Or scrunched?  Too late, it’s almost half dry.

I miss that some days.

I’ve heard that it is better for me to be single right now, and most days I agree.
I get to love Jesus with my whole heart.  I have no excuse for distractions.
I get to follow Him wholeheartedly, without having to check in with someone else first.

If only that is how I operated.

That’s why, some days, I get distracted thinking my prince charming will never come.
I can’t get just being me right, so how will someone else ever fit into the picture?

JJ Heller wrote a song on her new album. I’m a big fan of hers.
It’s called “Until You Came Along.”

Here are some of the lyrics:

“Nothing makes sense without you. It’s like waking up in the dark.
I didn’t have a song, until you came along.”

Some days, I feel like my life will not make sense until my other half arrives.
Until I finally go on a date that I have been waiting three years for. And counting.
Until I can write a witty blog about our daily life, chronicling our awesome adventures.
Until I can be with the someone who He made for me.

And then, I thought a little bit more about that song.
Nothing in my life, no part of my story, makes sense without the love and grace of Jesus.
Growing up in a Christian family, I’ve always had His presence influencing me.
Maybe that has influenced my ability to see my desperate need for Him.
He gave me my song so young, that I struggle to realize that I already AM in the Light.

I am complete in Christ. Not in some guy who isn’t in my life yet.

Next line:
“Falling in love with you was easy, You were always meant to have my heart.
I was broken all to pieces, You were there to be the missing part.”

Regardless of my future husband, I am whole in Christ.
I am found in Him.
I am saved in Him.
My precious Jesus will always have my heart.

Yesterday. Today. Forever.

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