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senseless.

February 16, 2011

I hate hurting people.
No really, I often will choose to hurt myself if I can avoid hurting someone else.
Take the blame. Keep my mouth shut.  Fib to make it “not the end of the world.”

I hate the idea of causing someone pain. Of creating grief.
Of stealing joy. Of taking what is not mine.

Especially for those closest to my heart.

And I did that this week.  I hurt someone in a moment that was supposed to be completely joy-filled. There was supposed to be immense celebration.  In an effort to spread the joy, I isolated one of the dearest people to me, and completely overlooked their situation.
I kept them from feeling that joy by thinking only of myself.

It wore on me all week.  I couldn’t help but think of it constantly.  My opinion of the situation continually changed.  The selfishness in my heart was a never-ending ebb & flow.

I was right. No, definitely wrong. Well, if only.. Well, I should have..
Why didn’t they? How could you?

I wanted to pacify my guilt by removing the reality of the responsibility I need to claim.
I was insensitive.  And I hurt feelings.

How do you recover from it? What do you say? How do you respond?

I’m sorry.

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