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making things happen.

May 11, 2012

Hello blogging world.

It’s me, the neglectful realist.  I’ve got something to share with you today. Something that I am excited, and terrified, to type. Life has changed completely.  There are few constants that remain since my last post. Which is altogether magnificent and overwhelming. Future posts will continue to flesh out the changes, but I have just got to share my “Making Things Happen” experience.

First a few updates, past —> present style.
non-AE full time job —> non-AE part time job.
804 apartment —> campus apartment.
living with my favorite dreamer —> living on my own.
sloth-like living—> active lifestyle & healthier balance. PTL.
2 AE booked events for 2012 —> 7 AE events in 2012. 3 in 2013.
singleness—> I’m dating. what!?!
struggling to balance work & my personal life —> having time to enjoy those around me.

So much joy. So much joy I could weap (again).  I am in amazement at how much my life has changed. One of the ‘exercises’ at MTH was listing the 5 people we spend the most time with- and realizing how they impact our mindset and outlook on life.  The point was to see where negativity might be seeping in because of those relationships. But I have to admit- I was overcome when I looked at mine.  My list of 5 is not only people that I love dearly, but also 5 people who passionately want the Lord’s will for me.  Who pray for me, care for me, encourage me. Who love me unconditionally.
What a difference a few months can make.

Here is an excerpt from my journal last Friday morning, as I tried to comprehend what MTH was like:

Wow. I sit here in an Atlanta hotel, and I am overwhelmed by the past 24 hours. Physically- I am exhausted. Emotionally, I can’t even begin to explain. And spiritually- I am just craving the Lord. So eager to be filled completely by Him. To stop making excuses and finally set myself up for ways to pour into Him & be more assertive about how to do that. Yesterday, I felt loved, heard, inspired, challenged, frustrated, excited, overjoyed, replenished, empty, broken, empowered, fearful- and COURAGEOUS. I am so blessed in this season of life- and yesterday, yesterday I learned that I do not want to waste my life being fearful of succeeding. Being fearful of being complacent. Being fearful of being loved. It is far more than time for me to put down my fears and hold fast to the Lord, so that I can be strong and courageous, taking heart- because HE has OVERCOME the world. My life is too short not to do things that fire me up- and Jesus-> He is my ultimate. I want to live for Him & pursue Him. I want to make these changes. I am going to make these changes. I will make it happen.

And it’s been a week since those words were written.  And as true as they are, I feel stuck.  My brain is cluttered with how to ‘achieve’ this new perspective. How to be the ‘best’ pupil right away, to make the ‘most difference’, to not waste the opportunity.

Stop. Refocus. Patience. I need to strive for a standard of grace, not perfection.  To understand that I am called only to be faithful to His calling, not flawless.  To grasp that He has already won, overcome, accomplished EVERYTHING that matters- and that my impact in this life is only to better His Kingdom.  To walk joyfully, confidently, because the battle has already been won.

So I am saying that I will stop focusing on avoiding failure, but instead to just take the baby steps in the direction He leads.  And I have taken three thus far. And three needs to be enough for today.

One Comment leave one →
  1. May 11, 2012 12:19 pm

    I love love love that there’s no turning back. We are saying YES to the good things for ourselves and our futures and the best is ahead of us! You have such a big heart and I am so blessed to know you. You deserve these things and what’s more is what you will DO with them. If you accept those gifts you can multiply them. POWERFUL.

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